good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
