My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
