How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
