24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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