its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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