Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
