I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
