Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
