Where is the hickey?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
They took my balls.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
