dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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