his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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