you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
