Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
