I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
