the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
