I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
