i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
