You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
