I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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