just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
