you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
