That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
