I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
my liver is dry heaving
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
