Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
