just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
