She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
