Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
