Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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