He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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