So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
