im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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