My friends, they love my intelligence
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
