omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
