Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
