fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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