first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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