Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
