I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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