He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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