i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
