In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
