At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
