Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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