I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
