When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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