the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
