I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
