I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This baby is an asshole
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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