I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
