hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
