I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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