a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
